Remember when feminism suddenly became relevant earlier this month? Thanks to powerful slogans like “Free Freedom,” “Make Fashion Not War,” and “Tweed is Better Than Tweet?” I really did feel freer that day. Especially after I decided to stop eating and also being so serious and ugly.
Feminist icon, Karl Lagerfeld, responded to critics of his faux-protest, staged as part of the launch of his Spring 2015 Chanel collection during Paris fashion week, saying:
“I couldn’t care less if people are for or against. It’s my idea. I like the idea of feminism being something lighthearted, not a truck driver for the feminist movement.”
Who cares what feminists think about feminism! Feminism is his idea, after all. Also, lighten up!
All I know is that when some pretentious fuck tells me he’s got feminism right and I’ve got it too truck driver, I listen.
In conclusion, here are some inspirational quotes from our new Leader:
“It means people talking about charities. Do it, be charitable, but don’t make a subject of conversation out of it because then you bore the world to death. It’s very unpleasant… But I don’t go out a lot so I’m not so exposed to people.”
On gay marriage
“For me it’s difficult to imagine — one of the papas at work and the other at home with the baby. How would that be for the baby? I don’t know. I see more lesbians married with babies than I see boys married with babies. And I also believe more in the relationship between mother and child than in that between father and child.”
On politics
“I’m in fashion. Politics is not my job. I don’t vote in France even though foreigners here can. I will never vote in my life.”
On porn
“I admire porn.”
On love, sex, and prostitutes
“I personally only like high-class escorts. I don’t like sleeping with people I really love. I don’t want to sleep with them because sex cannot last, but affection can last forever. I think this is healthy.”
“Frustration is the mother of crime, and so there would be much more crime without prostitutes and without porn movies.”
On women
“The woman is the most perfect doll that I have dressed with delight and admiration.”
“No one wants to see curvy women. You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”
On Kate Middleton
“I don’t like the sister’s face. She should only show her back.”
On Adele
“She is a little too fat.”
“[Coco Chanel] was never a feminist because [she] was never ugly enough for that.”
On florals
“Florals are for middle-aged women with weight problems.”
Ladies and gentlemen, feminism!